Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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