just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
