Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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