If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
