Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
