my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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