i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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