I feel like abortions should bother me more
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
