i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
