Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
