That's intense
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
