somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
