So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
