her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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