You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
