Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
