help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize