Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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