Just took my morning after pill in the library
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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