I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
