Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
