Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
