My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
