i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
