i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Everyone says I win the strip club
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
