he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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