we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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