I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
PANTIES FOUND
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