I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
