I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
