We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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