when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
