Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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