In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
