my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my shit smells like andre
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
