it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
