I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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