I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
