remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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