Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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