I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize