The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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