She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
