this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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