oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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