Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
