I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize