I faked an abortion last night.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
