why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
