I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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