I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
