first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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