if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
barbara walters just said penis...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
