My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
