is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
