I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
