MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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