her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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