Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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