It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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