You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
