I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
