the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're like the curious george of whores
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
