Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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