How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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