I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
