i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
