Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
