you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
