the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize