I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
